Diary of a Witch Pricker

The following is an excerpt of the Witch Pricker Zebidiah Coventry. A sadist and a fake he makes money from finding the mark of the devil or “witches Mark” on his victims. He has accused and seen to the conviction of over 200 supposed witches. Below are his personal thoughts and findings.

Diary entries of Zebediah Coventry a Witch Pricker.

October 28^th

Today I was paid by a local magistrate to confirm if a young lady is a witch.  As it is with the quarterly courts I too find myself wandering from place to place finding these unfortunate souls as to confirm an outlandish accusation.  The Magistrate explained to me that this “witch” harmed some people within the village.  This doesn’t matter to me.  As long as I can find the witches mark upon her body I will be paid.  If not I will claim that the devil removed it before I was able to find it as to protect his diabolical investment.  Either way, I am paid.  If this unfortunate soul is deemed a witch, or if she is not, does not matter to me.  50 shillings is more than enough for me accuse even my own mother of being a witch.

I have overseen the pricking of over 230 witches.  Each person, I believe, was not a witch at all.  Not a witch but just a poor unfortunate soul that someone in the community is in fact jealous of, envious of or disliked.  Accused by her own family and friends.  I suspect that if one day I do happen upon an actual witch that day will be dark and full of whoa and blackness.  That day I will refuse to prick the witch and ask for her forgiveness for pricking all others for I know that God himself will not forgive me for being a charlatan and a sadist.

My suspicions for these accusations are the lack of venues of entertainment in these small villages.  I think that these people need a release from their daily toil like London and the Globe theatre.  Oh how I enjoyed Twelfth Night.  I shall have to visit there again after this shamefully pleasant task that I must fulfill.

October 29^th

The accused was brought forth before me today.  What a sad creature.  Her appearance almost makes me not want to do what I have to do to her.  She is a very beautiful girl.  If this were some other venue I might court her properly.  I ordered those who were designated to help me in my endeavors to strip her naked.  The next step is to shave her thoroughly and not leave one hair uncut.  I tell the midwives to shave her gentiles smooth and to be careful as not to snip off the witch’s mark.  I take pleasure in watching as she is shaved coveting my 50 more shillings to come.

I have the arms of the accused bound.  She is now suspended one hands length from the ground.  I inspect her body looking for the witch’s mark or “teat” as to feed her familiar with.  Most of the time the genitals are where the extra teat is kept.  I inspected this area especially close.  For five hours I inspect her body, in a meticulous fashion, with my needles.  Without a hesitation I pricked at her body to expose the mark.  With each prick she let out indescribable and horrible screams of pain.  No witch feels pain.  She does not once renounce god nor does she confess of being the concubine of the devil.  A confession does not come from her lips no matter how hard or deep I insert my needle unto her flesh.  It is hard for me to believe that someone would put themselves through so much pain voluntarily to clear their name.  I know that I should not take pleasure in my work but, as long as those around me think that I am doing “God’s work” than taking pleasure is not wrong at all. So I keep telling myself to continue on with my diabolical work.

My heart sinks but I know my coin purse fattens with every insertion of my needle upon her smooth skin.  The more agony for them the more pleasure for me.  I continue to prick almost every inch of her flesh.  This reminds me of my mother when she mended clothing for our landlord.  Mother used a small stuffed handkerchief to hold her needles.  How that girl was my stuffed handkerchief now.  My mother would not approve of me if she was alive. 

I found nothing at all.  This was due to the fact that the midwives were also inspecting her body along with the magistrate.  As if the magistrate would know the witch’s mark if it grew legs and kicked him in his rear.  I was unable to just say that the accused had the mark without actually producing it. I informed the Magistrate that the midwives and I were unable to find any witches mark upon her body.  Then I added that the Devil himself might have removed this mark as to conceal this witch’s identity.  The accused starts to cry and protest that she has been unjustly accused.

My stage was now clear and my duty finished.  I had performed flawlessly and with meticulous fashion.  The presenting jury was frantically trying to record the event as it happened

October 30

After performing task of pricking the witch, I am owed monies.  Monies due for my services were 100 shillings firm.  The magistrate has refused to pay my share due to the fact that I was unable to produce a mark of any kind on this poor girl.  The magistrate has privately accused me of being a sham.  Nemo me impune lacessit!  (No one attacks me with impunity!) For fear of being discovered, I informed him that my second would be in contact with his second so that we might settle this wrong as gentlemen.  As the magistrate is undoubtedly an educated man I finished my sentence with a quote from Syrus, Maxims. “Iucunda macula est ex inimici sanguine.”  (What a pleasant stain comes from an enemy’s blood.)  As the magistrate knows that I do not back down from a dual nor have I ever lost a dual he sent a servant with 150 shillings and a bottle of his finest wine for my troubles.  I feel that this is sufficient payment after all he did sully my name.  I informed his servant that this would suffice and that I send my compliments to his master.  I think that it is time I went back to London and enjoyed the company of a young man for a trifle.